How to Survive a Breakup Like an Adult
Breakups suck. There’s no denying that. You spend all of this time with someone, you share all of your secrets, you meet each others’ families, friends, and you start to settle into the idea that you and this person could have a future together. And then it’s over.
Relationships end for all sorts of reasons. But what about when a relationship ends on good terms? When neither of you want to end it, but you both know it won’t work out? How do you move on from that? I recently went through a situation like that, and getting through it was a learning process but I’m going to save you the trial and error and let you in on what to do.
Delete & unfollow (for now).
If you’re like me, you check up on your s/o‘s social media accounts on the daily. It’s hard to break that habit, especially if you still have feelings for that person. Even if you ended things on good terms, it can be hard to see them living life and being happy without you. So, do yourself a favor and delete, unfollow, block, whatever you have to do so that you can slowly start to (literally) see your life without them.
If later on you feel like you’ve moved on and seeing them, potentially with another person, wouldn’t hurt you, feel free to re-add them. But give yourself the time and space you need to heal. Also, whatever you do, keep your breakup issues off of social media. It doesn’t help you and it sure doesn’t help them. It will cause unnecessary drama that might hinder your ability to build a friendship with them. I know you’re hurting, but they might be, too.
Reflect & feel.
There’s this part of you that will always wonder about their family, their friends, their newest jobs and hobbies, and just their overall wellbeing. It’s okay to wonder about them because you used to care deeply for them. Allow yourself to feel sad and maybe even a little angry. You have to look back on the good parts and the bad parts of the relationship and allow yourself to feel your feelings as they come naturally. If you bottle up your emotions, you’re only hurting yourself in the long run. For me, I write everything down in a journal, even if it doesn’t make sense. That way I can get all my feelings out and reflect on them later.
You used to spend a great deal of time with your s/o and now that you’re single, you’ll find yourself with a lot of time to think. While you do need to think and process, you need to avoid obsessing over it. Find a hobby, pick up some extra hours at work, catch up with the friends you haven’t seen in a while. When my last relationship ended, I had about 50 unread books laying around my room and now I only have half of that to go. It’s amazing the things you can get done when you’re trying to stay distracted. Not to mention, sleeping alone could be very difficult in the beginning and if you keep yourself busy enough, you might just be able to wear yourself out by the end of the day.
Get your girls.
Grab the keys, grab your girls and get out of the house. Your friends and family are going to be your biggest support system right now and it’s not a bad idea to surround yourself with as much love as you possibly can. Whether you go on a road trip or just stay in and have a wine night, spending time with your best friends will undeniably make you feel at least a little bit better.
Every time a relationship ends, I hear people say the same thing. “Treat yourself” is a common phrase used nowadays to justify a cheat day, spending some extra money, doing something you wouldn’t normally do and I totally agree with that notion. However, let’s take it a step further. I want to tell you to DATE yourself. I know, crazy. Do the things for you that you would do for your significant other. Buy yourself flowers just because, take yourself to your favorite restaurant, try a new activity, etc.
Also, take time for yourself and your wellbeing. For some people this means bath bombs and wine, for others it means exercise or reading alone, and it means something different for every person. One of my personal goals post-breakup was to leave the house at least once a day to do something, anything, and it really helped me find the motivation I needed. Get to know yourself as a person again, a single person, and rediscover the things you love. Who knows, you might even fall in love with yourself along the way.
What are your best break-up remedies? Let me know!
Morgan is a writer in her 20’s from small-town Iowa, trying to spread peace, love, and positivity the best way she knows how - through words. When she’s not writing, she is working towards two degrees, working two part-time jobs, and taking as many naps as possible. On the occasional “free day”, she loves spending time in coffee shops, reading books, and taking photos of her cat, Ezra.
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